LITTLE BOY BLUE

Blue…mood? Blue…color of strength? Blue…sad? The sky? The the world? What was your very, very first thought when you read those first three words (Little Boy Blue)? Your very first thought! It’s beyond useful to pause and figure this out – it will tell you about the way you initially choose to frame your world.[…]

UPHILL IS DOWNHILL

  UPHILL IS DOWNHILL when you know where you want to go.   Take this lake. It took hours of hiking, much of it uphill, to reach this destination. Although we had been here previously, many decades ago, after scrambling up the side of this mountain (with young children in tow) on narrow hiking paths,[…]

WHAT THEY SAID, WHAT WE BELIEVED.

THEY said: He has Autism. We might be able to train him to do some simple self-help skills. WE said: We want to show him a love he can understand. THEY said: We might be able to teach him to listen to simple instructions and respond appropriately. WE said: We want to create a relationship of[…]

CHILDREN, NOT OF MY BLOOD BUT OF MY HEART

I held them gently for a moment in time. Click. Two of my six children: one who had barely survived his birth father slitting his throat, then spent years in an orphanage; the other who had been malnourished and starved. Click. Children of extreme trauma. Adrift, abandoned. Children who faced limited, even dismal, futures. When[…]

MULTI-TASKING: ILLUSION WITH A SOLUTION

Some of us think we can do two or three different activities at a time. Actually, we flip-flop our attention: Four seconds on the phone, three seconds for my child, then back to the phone. Nothing (that’s ZERO) gets my full, continuous attention or expertise. Result: Accidents/obesity/colossal errors/diminished relationships. Simple remedy: Focus fully on one thing at[…]

HAPPINESS/UNHAPPINESS MUSCLE

Imagine you viewed your neurons as having the characteristic of a muscle. The more you use them, the stronger they get. The less you use them, the weaker they get. Most folks have learned to flex their unhappiness “muscle”; thus unhappiness seems so common, so natural, so automatic. However, we can start a new training[…]

EMPATHY: USEFUL OR SELF-ABSORPTION?

Let’s start with one simple observation: No one, not anyone, can feel your pain! Not now. Not ever! Empathy, which is often defined as the ability to feel what someone else feels, is one of the great myths of human relationships. Also, it’s highly overrated. I can create pain that might approximate your pain, but[…]

Are you a Zero?

ZERO AS IN “YOU’RE A ZERO”: Maybe no one dared to say it to you so clearly, but haven’t you had folks in your life treat you as if you don’t matter? As if your opinions and wants aren’t meaningful (at least, to that other person, who also acts as if the world agrees with[…]

Good or bad: What’s stickier?

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS “STICKIER”? THE “GOOD” OR THE “BAD”? Studies have shown that people retain “bad” things said about them longer than “good” things. If shown photos of sweet, tender events and threatening or tragic events, folks will spend more time focusing on the threatening or tragic ones. A broad-based study of 558[…]

We choose our belief filters!

Common knee-jerk reaction to situations: “This is bad for me, and/or I can’t handle it.” Option Process® alternative: “This is good for me and/or I can and will handle it.” Different belief filters through which to view a situation. The first belief filter brings on stress and discomfort (and with them, decreased immune system function). The[…]

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